All That Rage
by Karasu-LaoHu
Summary: They were fighting for the same team, how they were so similar, how both of their siblings brought them into this life, how he knew what it was like to have the person you were supposed to protect become a monster. And once they became one, there was no going back.


**I always thought that Gordon was so much more than the few facets that they explored in the show. Anyways, my take about what is going on in his mind.**

**And none of this belongs to me. It really does not...**

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Gordon hated watching them, those _brothers_. He hated the younger one especially, Sammy. Fucking Sammy and his stupid eyes that showed all of those feelings, that stupid way of his that seemed so sympathetic to everyone, so trusting. When he was a monster, just like the rest of them. Hiding behind human guises, trying to make themselves look just like the souls that used to inhabit those bodies. Fooling everyone around them, and then turning on them. It made his blood just _boil_.

And _Dean_. Dean just didn't seem to understand that Gordon was trying to help him, help everyone. That Sam wasn't the little saint that the boy thought he was. Sam was nothing more than a loose cannon, he was going to break one day and by then it would be too late. The boy seemed to think that his brother wasn't going to turn into that demon, that he wasn't going to betray him. That he would stay the same old Sammy.

Why couldn't he see that Dean and he were the same? They were hunters, killers. There was no other choice for them, no back-up plan. This was it. And Sammy wasn't meant for this life, Gordin knew that from the first time he saw the boys at that shitty bar. Dean had the cocky sureness to keep him alive, the eyes that said he thrived on danger, the way he walked, alert to everything around him. Sam, on the otherhand was too soft for this, malleable, easily swayed. He couldn't handle _this life. _And then he got his brother to turn on Gordon as well, not seeing that those _filthy fangs_ were fooling them.

It had all made sense whenever the demon told him the truth behind Sammy, the reason Sam was so susceptible to the influence of the bloodsuckers. Of _evil_. He had to make sure that the soldiers didn't take control, that they didn't ever awaken. This was worse than anything he could have imagined. Humans, infected by demons? Turning on their own kind? Little psychics waiting to go Terminator on everyone? How could he let this happen on his watch? He knew one, so there had to be a pattern, something to track them down with. And he figured it out. And it had brought him here, where he had seen Sam, and now he had Dean.

And he had tried to make Dean see why he was doing what he was doing, that Sam was not what he imagined him as, that he would turn, maybe not now, but eventually. How they should be brothers-in-arms, not sworn enemies. They were fighting for the same team, how they were so _similar_, how both of their siblings brought them into this life, how he knew what it was like to have the person you were supposed to protect become a monster. And once they became one, there was no going back. And it was more merciful to end Sammy now, to gank the boy before Dean had to see him as the monster that he was. He wanted to spare him of seeing his brother become twisted, like he had seen his sister. His baby sister, his whole world, _Maria_, go dark. He had seen her killing a woman in the back alley, laughing with another fang. Laughing at the carnage around her.

He would save Dean from having to see that, from having to deal with a poisoned concious, the type after you had no other choice but to kill your family and try to rationalize it later. See, Gordon knew that he was halfway insane, but he still held on to it by remebering why he had done what he had done. And he just had to use something to funnel _all that rage_, to give himself a purpose after doing what he had to do. God, if only things could have been different, if only/

He would save him. He had to, because this was his redemption. His redemption for Maria. A second chance to stop things _before they went too far_.

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**Please review and all that schtuff!**


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